


love me please?

by thekardemomme



Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Not Canon Compliant, Pre-Relationship, but only at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-10-20
Packaged: 2019-08-04 23:20:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16356233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekardemomme/pseuds/thekardemomme
Summary: It would be so, so easy to pretend. To get drunk enough to kiss her, to let her blow him in the bathroom so they can both tell their friends. It would be so easy to introduce her to his mom, to his friends, to random people as his girlfriend. So much less complicated to just follow the expectations. Emma’s hot, right? Emma likes him. Emma’seasy.It’s the first time in Isak’s life that he doesn’t want easy, and that’s what sets his feet in motion again, ready to go over to Even regardless of what might become of it.





	love me please?

The second Isak sees Even’s head, so much taller than everyone else’s, he can’t think straight anymore. He doesn’t care that it’s Emma’s party, he doesn’t care that his friends are going to see him and Even together. All he cares about is getting into the house and talking to him, about making sense of things.

“Can you just let me in?” He asks the stupid guy posing as a bouncer, pushing to the front of his friends. 

“Why would I let you in?”

_ Because it’s not your party, asshole.  _ “My name is Isak, I’m in the second year, and I know Emma. She’s in the first year. Just let me talk to her.”

“And her last name is?”

“Her name is Emma Larzen. I know her well,” Isak insists, getting more and more frustrated with the guy. Even’s out of sight now, and he  _ has  _ to find him. They need to talk. “Just let me in, and then these guys can wait out here. And then I’ll come right back.”

The guy looks him up and down, a disapproving look on his face. “You do realize there are a lot of people here, right?” He asks, turning his nose up. Isak’s never wanted to swing on someone more. “So you’ll only take a minute, while they wait here. Okay?”

Isak doesn’t hesitate. “Yes!” He pushes right past the guy, into the throng of teenagers. It smells like sweat, sex, and alcohol pretty much right from the get-go, and he doesn’t see Even anymore. 

He pushes through the halls, finding them all crowded with people. The douchebag wasn’t lying when he said there were a lot of people—Emma is apparently more popular than he gave her credit for. 

That or her alcohol is. 

He finds Even on the opposite side of a seemingly large room, a swimming pool of drunk teenagers between them. He’s leaning on a brick wall, and Isak has memories of Even leaning on a wall like that, sunglasses on without the sun—the first time Emma tried to invite him out. 

There’s got to be some irony in the fact that he’s standing here now, so much between himself and that boy he’d stared longingly at, and nothing between himself and the girl who’d thrown herself at his feet.

It would be so, so easy to pretend. To get drunk enough to kiss her, to let her blow him in the bathroom so they can both tell their friends. It would be so easy to introduce her to his mom, to his friends, to random people as his girlfriend. So much less complicated to just follow the expectations. Emma’s hot, right? Emma likes him. Emma’s  _ easy.  _

It’s the first time in Isak’s life that he doesn’t want easy, and that’s what sets his feet in motion again, ready to go over to Even regardless of what might become of it. 

Emma stops him. 

“Hey,” he chokes out, his cheeks turning bright red. He wonders if she saw the way he’d stared. 

“What are you doing here?” She asks, and Isak’s heart begins to pound. 

“Hey, listen…” He clears his throat, wracking his brain for some bullshit to spoon-feed her like he’s been doing this whole time. One little pill, one little lie, a quick dance in his apartment, and he’s had her on his hook. He’s not proud of it, but he’s not very proud of many things about himself. “It was… It was really shitty of us to leave you guys on Halloween. I get it if you think I’m an asshole.”

Emma nearly  _ laughs,  _ and Isak feels like he’s going down hook line and sinker. “That’s not the reason I think you’re an asshole,” she murmurs, all venom and bite. “I think you’re an asshole because you let me be interested in you, even though you’re gay.”

The word ties cement around his heart, sinking it down to the floor, tying his tongue up and nearly suffocating him. 

“We’re in 2016, Isak,” she snaps. “Get out of the closet.”

And then she’s gone, and Isak’s trying not to puke up his guts all over her nice carpet, because he thinks he’s done enough to her already. 

He looks up to see if Even is still there, to see if the sight of him with make his heart go pitter-patter instead of thumping so hard his ribs are cracking. And he is still there, but he’s not alone anymore. Sonja is there, too, and they’re closer than Isak would like them to be. Closer than he thought Even would’ve wanted them to be. 

She kisses him, all while Isak is locked in a dead stare, and it’s like every cell in Isak’s body settles. 

And he feels so, so stupid. 

Isak’s done nothing but run away from his problems before, so that’s what he does now. It’s what his father taught him best. 

He runs out of the house, down the steps and right past the douchebag and intending to go right past his friends. He doesn’t want to talk to them, he doesn’t want them to see the embarrassment that he knows is written all over his face. He can’t get away fast enough. 

“What’s up, man?” Jonas asks, and Isak raises his hoodie. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he mumbles, already walking. Faster, faster, faster. Don’t let them see. 

“He’s going to a family get-together,” Mahdi jokes, and Isak’s blood burns, “just let him leave.”

Fuck it. 

Isak’s turned around and shoving Mahdi before he even registers the actions. He can hear Magnus and Jonas react, but it doesn’t matter. 

“Do you have to be so rude?!” He snaps, reaching forward and shoving Mahdi back a second time. 

Mahdi never hits back. 

“Hey! What the fuck’s wrong with you?!” Jonas yells, pushing Isak back and away from Mahdi. Isak doesn’t look at him. “What’s happening?!”

_ What’s happening? _

So much, Jonas. So much. 

Isak remembers his original goal, and turns away without saying another word. He can hear Mahdi talking, can hear the footsteps of nosy people hoping for a fight, but he’s too far gone to even worry about it. He doesn’t  _ care _ anymore. 

He should’ve expected this. That’s the only thing he can think about for his whole walk, and it makes his skin buzz with unreleased anger. Not at Even, not at his friends, but at himself. He should’ve  _ known.  _

He’s not the type of guy who’s desirable. He’s replaceable, if anything. He felt it when his mom looked right past him without recognizing him. He felt it when his dad left without telling him goodbye in person. He felt it when he went to a gay bar and got drunk and it took hours before someone helped him. He felt it when he slept in the basement and neither of his parents came to bring him home. 

He felt it when Jonas was too busy with Eva to hang out with him. He felt it when Eva got frustrated with him being around. He felt it when Elias sniped about having to sleep with the gay guy. He felt it when Eva hated him. 

He feels it when he walks up to his friends and they have inside jokes that he’s not a part of. He feels it when his mom texts him Bible verses condemning him for a huge, important part of him. He feels it when his dad guilt trips him over his mother. He feels it when Mahdi makes jokes about letting him leave. He feels it when Jonas doesn’t immediately follow him to see what was wrong,  _ what’s happening.  _ He feels it when he sees Even kissing Sonja. 

Isak cries out, kicking the bushes and the tires of parked cars. He’s so angry, he can’t remember ever being this angry before—not even when his dad left. 

Maybe it’s because his dad never pretended to care like Even had. 

Everyone leaves. Everyone always leaves. Isak just isn’t worth sticking around for. 

His knees buckle underneath him, and he sinks to the cement and he cries. 

“Isak!” He hears behind him, followed by rapid footsteps. He doesn’t move from where he’d collapsed, and doesn’t try to stop crying. There’s no point in it anymore, not when everyone had watched him get his heart broken—even if they didn’t realize that’s what they’d seen. “Isak, fuck.”

He knows that voice. 

“Isak, please,” Even begs, and there’s hands on his shoulders. He doesn’t have the willpower to shove them off the way he knows he should. “I know what you saw, and it isn’t—”

“Don’t,” he mumbles, around sobs. 

“I’m serious,” Even whispers, wrapping Isak up in his arms. “It’s not like that. Don’t-Don’t cry, please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

Isak knows he should fight him off, tell him to stop fucking with his emotions and just go be with his girlfriend if that what makes him happy. But he doesn’t have the emotional strength to watch Even leave again. He just doesn’t. 

So he lets Even hold him, and decides to just indulge in this. He’ll be watching Even leave again soon, and he won’t even have to tell Even to go. Even will leave because he wants to. 

Everyone always does.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @medicineontour


End file.
